ABOUT ME
Since I was 24 years old, I have had a strong interest in psychology and sociology. In fact, I have observed people from afar since the age of four, as I have always found human behaviour fascinating. I never pursued psychology because I felt I was too stupid or not intelligent enough to succeed, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. When I was younger, I consistently received poor grades, largely because I slept only about three hours a night during my childhood. I was a natural night owl and spent my energy focusing on other interests instead.
For most of my life, I did not understand what I was capable of because neither my teachers nor anyone else took an interest in me. I was often made to feel “too stupid” or that “I wasn’t trying hard enough,” which placed me in a box where I stopped trying altogether. I would shut down and retreat into my own world, daydreaming during lessons because I believed I wasn’t capable of achieving anything. To me, school was simply an unfortunate means to an end. It didn’t motivate me at all, so my daydreaming became a safety mechanism a way to escape into a space and world where I felt safe.
I frequently came home crying and begged to switch schools so I could attend the same school as my childhood neighborhood friend, as I felt safer being with her. However, I think my parents believed I was just being overly sensitive and that it was a phase. Eventually, I gave up and accepted what I believed was my fate. I dissociated from everything, felt unmotivated, and poured my time into video games after my brother built a computer for me when I was seven years old. My favorite video game series include Dragon Age, The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, the Fallout series (mainly Fallout 3 and Fallout 4), Baldur's Gate 3, and Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines 2. I also immersed myself in documentaries, movies, TV series, books, online articles, and television shows, often staying up until 2 a.m.
When I was 15, I even went to a school counselor to discuss my grades while questioning what I wanted to do with my life, as I felt completely lost. She simply stared at me with a blank expression, clearly noting my extremely poor grades, and said nothing further. I also had a teacher tell my friend that I was “a bad influence on her,” despite having no understanding of what I was going through and never bothering to ask me. I managed to get through those years because I held onto the hope that things would eventually improve and that life would balance out.
I believe that, after all of this, I developed a narcissistic ego as armour—a “tough” exterior where nothing seemed to affect me anymore—and I would fight people back to protect myself.
As I got older, I studied Graphic Design at the age of 20 because I had a strong interest in art and digital design. However, by 23, I moved into Customer Service, as I found design work too slow-paced and unmotivating. I needed fast-moving environments to stay engaged, and I was also afraid of turning my love for art into something that felt draining or transactional. This eventually led me into sales. At the time, I had an unhealthy obsession with money and overworked myself to prove that I was not “stupid” or “incapable.” In hindsight, this was driven by severe imposter syndrome. Even then, I found myself stuck in repetitive cycles of layoffs, controlling or abusive managers, and colleagues who were narcissistic, manipulative, or openly hostile. I noticed especially in sales that many highly competitive people exhibited narcissistic traits, and I was often harassed out of jealousy—either because of my ideas to improve the company, because I won prizes, because I was pushed into the spotlight despite trying to remain authentic, or because I built strong rapport with colleagues and managers.
I kept pushing through, hoping things would eventually improve. However, when I was 25, I lost my father suddenly. After that, everything in my life began to unravel. I started questioning the meaning of everything and fell into severe depression. Before his death, I had been trying to buy a house, having saved a lot of money, but I was prevented from doing so due to a “garden contract” that was not accepted by banks. Over time, each job became mentally painful to endure. I began spending money heavily, giving in to impulses and ordering takeaways to get dopamine and feel good, as food became a way to cope with emptiness. I felt it was a waste of time even trying to build stability, since I was constantly blocked at every turn. I now understand that much of this was strongly linked to my undiagnosed ADHD.
I experienced extremely poor treatment in multiple workplaces. I was once yelled at in front of an office of 30 people for no valid reason. I was frequently ostracized, overworked, and expected to perform tasks far beyond my job description. One colleague even told me that my “credentials were worth nothing” and that I came from “the bottom of the barrel.” In another role, a manager promised me a letter of reference when I resigned, only to post a recommendation on LinkedIn and then remove it after I officially left one month after my father died because he felt I had let the team down while grieving and completing my handover.
At another corporate job, a manager attempted to discredit me by spreading rumors that I was lying about my British heritage. This occurred because her boss and colleagues liked me, and from what I gathered, she believed I wanted her position—which was not the case, as I tended to avoid responsibility. The situation escalated into colleagues harassing me and claiming that I “had no friends.” I was unable to defend myself because I was still in my probation period. Despite performing well, bringing in sales, and consistently hitting my targets, I felt empty. The daily harassment took a heavy emotional toll and added to the severe depression I was experiencing. I kept my struggles to myself, fearing that sharing them would be used against me. While I had supportive colleagues, it was not enough to keep me emotionally anchored.
By the age of 28, my mental health had deteriorated to the point where I could no longer function properly, and I struggled even to speak in full sentences. My depression and emotional instability were so severe that I just wanted to dig a hole and stay there. I was completely burnt out and had lost all hope. It felt as though every stage of my life required relentless fighting just to survive, and I was exhausted. That was when I finally sought help from a psychiatrist in 2024, having pushed myself too far and realizing I could no longer cope. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Combined Presentation). This diagnosis explained much of my life experience and brought an immense sense of relief—it was as though a missing piece finally clicked into place.
Outside of my professional life, I also experienced repeated trauma in my personal life. I was stalked on multiple occasions. One stalker was digital: my friend’s ex-girlfriend created fake Instagram accounts to harass me, calling me degrading names and claiming my father would be ashamed of me if he were alive. Another stalker, an Italian man I met on Tinder, relentlessly contacted me between the ages of 21 and 25. He lied about his age and even once followed me in his car, slowing down for five minutes as I walked. I had to remain calm and carefully plan my movements to ensure my safety.
I tried using Tinder again five years later, believing my previous experience was isolated, until I met someone who I thought was safe. This person later slapped me without my consent. In May 2025, while in London, I was involved in a deeply disturbing incident with the owner of my Airbnb. He developed romantic feelings toward me, installed a camera in my bedroom after a minor disagreement, and tried to control the situation. I discovered the camera due to a ticking sound and small flashes of light. I carefully planned my exit and relocated to a hostel while reporting the incident to the police. Unfortunately, due to a lack of evidence and leaving the jurisdiction, no action was taken.
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After filing the police report, I noticed suspicious behaviour that suggested attempts to monitor me further. Thankfully, through my sales training, psychological understanding, sensitivity, and intuition, I was able to stay several steps ahead and safely relocate to Scotland, where my British family was based. At the time, I could not tell the police because I had no concrete evidence.
During this period, I realised that if I did not actively break my patterns, I could eventually attract someone who might seriously harm me. As a result, I isolated myself in an apartment in Scotland from June to December 2026 and sought professional support from Leslie Humbert, a trauma-informed somatic coach and counsellor. Through her guidance, along with journaling, painting, and meditation, I explored the past to understand recurring patterns. I began releasing years of accumulated pain and internalised shame, and addressing my low self-esteem.
I also realised that in my love life, I had attracted emotionally unavailable, intolerant men who suppressed their feelings and treated relationships as a “challenge.” I would chase them, believing I had to earn their love, which contrasted sharply with the stable, loving example of my father, who always believed in me, supported me consistently, and respected me. My brother has been equally supportive. Comparing these relationships helped me understand the traits I need in a partner to feel safe and valued.
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For the first time, there was no external noise dictating who I was supposed to be or projecting false narratives onto me. I understood that none of my experiences were my fault. I had been set up to fail in environments that were incompatible with my nature, and many people projected unresolved issues onto me because I was sensitive, empathetic, and an easy target.
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Through this healing process, I have learned to identify unhealthy personality types, narcissists, manipulators, control freaks, chronic liars, and neutralise their impact before they can cause further harm. I now cut off contact early and avoid toxic people.
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I have also realised that I thrive when I live away from my home country, in a space that truly belongs to me. This distance has allowed me to rediscover myself, remove deeply toxic influences, and embrace my authentic life. Through introspection, I understood that my previous career trajectory no longer aligned with my true self.
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I believe the universe repeatedly tried to teach me to let go, but I resisted out of fear, laziness, and the false belief that pushing through would solve everything. I did not want to accept that my path would differ from the traditional one, which would be harder and take longer. After what happened in London, I realised it was a catalyst for change.
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I had to decide: do I want to remain bitter, stay in a life I hate, and end life with regret, or do I finally take control and pursue what aligns with me? I used to ask “why me?” and play the victim. After somatic therapy, I now see my experiences as part of a larger cycle of transformation, shaping me into someone who has endured suffering to help others heal.
I am extremely grateful that I took those steps. Today, I finally feel free. I feel like I can breathe again and see hope in life. I am currently travelling in Asia, meeting people, finding joy in simple things—a good meal, an afternoon swim, reading, or watching the sunset. I enjoy connecting with open-minded people who understand that challenges are part of growth. I avoid conflict but stand up for myself when necessary, protecting my mental health and stability.
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I see my 30s as a fresh start. Life no longer drives me; I am in the driver’s seat. While challenges will arise, I now have the tools, awareness, and self-trust to handle them. I am done being a victim, done being abused or manipulated, and done being anyone’s punching bag.
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This is why Fati Amor was created: as my answer for those who have experienced similar pain and feel lost. I created it to become the person I once desperately needed. Based on my experiences, training, certifications, and books I have studied, I hope you feel that I am qualified and worthy to guide you through your own healing journey toward life satisfaction and inner peace. I look forward to working with you.
